But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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