fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
