Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
