So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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