we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
