I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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