That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
