Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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