Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
