I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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