Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
