We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
