is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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