Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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