they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
