all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
