Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
