so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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