Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
