OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
