There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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