I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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