I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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