Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
