Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
