i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
