kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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