His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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