Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
