I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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