Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
