I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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