well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
