We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
