I wish I only lived at night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize