He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drake has all the answers
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
