I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
