He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
