I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
