swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
