i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's never too late to be topless.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
