last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
