I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
