Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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