i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
