I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
