All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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