i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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