i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
