I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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