Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
