He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
