I'm really into asian looking animals
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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