I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
