God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where did you get a picture of my penis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
