Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize