my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
