Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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