You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize