You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
