I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
