I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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