So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
