I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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