Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
