I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
