Your dad touched me again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
