areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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