I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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