ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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