Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
