So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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